Dr. Cherry Moriones-
Doromal, BMC,LLB,MBA
Overview
MGIS MANILA, Philippines-- Whether to employ or not to employ
spanking in disciplining the child has been a debatable issue among many
parents worldwide. Of course, the amount or type of discipline in each home
depends on the values and beliefs of parents.
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| Cherry Doromal (3rd from left) with International School MGIS students |
Is it unlawful to hit your kid,
in the first place? One of my blog readers asks if there is an exact law
prohibiting spanking in the United States. I checked on online resources and
there seems to be no prohibition, except for prohibition of corporal punishment
in schools.
In our local law in the Philippines, we have RA 7610 or the
Anti-Child Abuse Law, while the much awaited Anti-Corporal Punishment Bill is
underway. However, even if spanking as a method of discipline is by some means
allowed, when done incorrectly, the same may lead to child abuse.
The National Child Abuse
Statistics for Children in the U.S. says that over 3 million child abuse cases
are reported every year. In 2011, Children’s Advocacy Centers around the
country had reported to have served over 279,000 child victims of abuse. That
is in the U.S. alone, and it does not include the unreported cases.
Biblical Bases of Spanking as a Form of Discipline
In the Book of Proverbs, the
Bible specifically touched on the issue of spanking. Here are the verses:
“He who spares the rod hates his
son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24
“Do not withhold discipline from
a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.” Proverbs 23:13
“Punish him with the rod and
save his soul from death.” Proverbs 23:14
These verses, I believe, must
not be misinterpreted as encouraging the parents to hit their kids. Take note
of the word “careful” in Proverbs 13:24 and the phrases, “he will not die” in
Proverbs 23:13, and “save his soul from death” in Proverbs 23:14. Contrary to
these contexts, child abuse cases nowadays are brought about by careless
punishment to the kids, leading to violence, rage, and sometimes, death.
Did you know that the phrase
"Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from
Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem? The poem,
like his novel, “The Way of All Flesh”, was authored to depict and condemn
violence against children. Paradoxically, this phrase is now used to
rationalize corporal punishment and other castigatory actions against children.
About 90% of U.S. Parents Spank, according to the American Academy of
Pediatrics
While studies show how a huge
number of parents and pediatricians support the practice of spanking, experts explicate
that effective discipline is attained through these three components:
- A loving, supportive
relationship between parent and child
When a child does something off beam, there
must be a cause or some causes for that. A supportive parent has to endeavor to
determine the reason behind the wrong done, and once established, the cause
needs to be resolved. Furthermore, it is important to communicate the issue
with your child, and let him clearly know what is wrong and what is right. Be
careful, though, that your action be misconstrued as spoiling him. For
instance, tell your kid that you are there to support him in doing the right
thing, but let him know that you are not amenable to the wrong done.
- Use of positive
reinforcement when children behave
well
In
school, we often exercise the reward system by giving awards, stars on work,
and good grades. Positive reinforcement may also be used by commending the
child when something good is done by saying, “Great job!”, “You are so
helpful!”, or “That’s my boy!”
Just to
share a bit, at the Mahatma Gandhi International School (MGIS) in Pasay City where
I teach, the school employs purely positive reinforcement on kids. No
punishment for not doing one’s homework, no stressful haircut policy, no
spanking, no suspension, no yelling at students for not wearing the prescribed
uniform— and it is a great surprise for me to see how the students grow up to
be law- abiding, very respectful, responsible, loving, and simply outstanding
individuals.
But, of
course, ours is international school, and it is depressing to realize that our
local schools seem to find it a bit difficult to follow the same rule on
account of many factors, such as crowded classrooms where the teacher-student
ratio is just beyond belief.
In an
interview, Mr. Lawrence Buck, Headmaster of Mahatma Gandhi International School (http://www.mgis.com.ph), explains that over
the years, their secret at MGIS has been
the individualized approach in teaching, where each student’s needs and
learning conditions are understood and dealt with by the teachers in special
ways. “Unlike in other schools, we have only a few slots in each class, about only
15 students or less; hence, we
strictly, yet caringly, focus on the best ways our students can learn”, Mr.
Buck added.
- Use of punishment when
children misbehave
Although
in this particular area, the most common punishment being employed is spanking,
there are other alternatives other than spanking which may be used in
disciplining the kid, such as, not having him do his favorite thing to do. For
instance, no computer games or no swimming until the child perfects his
homework.
It is dreadful to note that the
findings of recent researches show hitting of children influences the latter to
become hitters themselves. Authorities
say children who experienced corporal abuse tend to become aggressive or
violent in the teenage and adult years.
Studies also show that the most dangerous criminals were frequently
threatened and chastised in childhood.
Today, about 29 countries made
it illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child, and 113
countries ban corporal punishment in schools. In fact, a throng of psychiatrists,
sociological researchers, and parents as well as child rights groups propose
that we all earnestly reflect on prohibition of physical punishment of children
in any form.
To sum up, the safest way to
bring about laudable behavior in our kids is temperate instruction, supported
by a tough foundation of love, understanding, and respect while inculcating
inner values in them, as against ostensibly "ideal" behavior founded
on fear.
